Let’s start with some statistics…(source = Beyond Blue)
- In 2023, more than 3,200 people died by suicide in Australia
- This equates to nine people dying by suicide A DAY. Seven are male
- Suicide is the leading cause of death for men under 44 in Australia
- Death from suicide amongst men is nearly double the national road toll
- One in five people in Australia seek mental health support: 51.1% are female compared with 36.4% of men
- One in Eight men experience Depression
- One in Five men experience Anxiety
- 26% of men admit to delaying seeing their GP
- Loneliness is a key contributor as a proven link to depression and suicidal thoughts among men
What is going on?
While Australian statistics are alarming, we are not alone. Similar statistics prevail in developed countries comparable to Australia. So what is it about men not asking for help? And are there any features to this that do make Australia a bit of an outlier?
The “she’ll be right” aspect to Australian masculinity is one consideration. Our culture emphasises traditional masculinity. That men should “cope” and manage their mental health without support.
Stigma plays a big role, starting in child development and within the school environment. Whilst this is gradually changing, with greater diversity encouraged in the school years, harmful factors remain (including bullying). The latter, when imposed on a child between the age 9-17 has been proven, through clinical studies to result in higher rates of social withdrawal and anxiety.
A third aspect to our culture is the discouragement of expression of feelings. Australian men tend to internalise their feelings and emotions. It is “not cool” to express these or show heightened emotions during periods of stress or trauma. As a result of internalising, unexpressed emotions lead to maladaptive thoughts and then behaviours. Thus the feelings of loneliness and social isolation. How many men do you know that are able to have a conversation with you about how they are feeling? What is bothering them? What makes them sad?
What should you look out for?
Many of my male clients come to counselling after being “encouraged to do so” by their partners. I receive a large number of referrals via a concerned spouse of partner asking me what to look for and what to do. Here are some thoughts on what to look out for in young men that may be at risk of suicide:
Behavioural Changes
- Reduced interest in previously enjoyable activities such as hobbies, food or sex
- See-sawing emotions including outbursts of anger or emotions
- Dangerous, reckless behaviours or increased risk taking
- Heightened aggression, more argumentative or physically violent
- Social withdrawal
- Alcohol or drug abuse
- Giving away possessions
- Changes in conversation including expressions of hopelessness “No one understands what I am going through”; guilt “it’s all my fault”; self-worth “I am useless”
Physical Changes
- Loss of energy, lethargy
- Changing sleep patterns
- Change in eating habits or weight changes
- Lack of attention to appearance or personal hygiene
- Evidence of self-harm
What should you do?
Encourage but don’t press the point. Many concerned spouses or partners become overwhelmed with the changes they see. Given the statistics presented above, we know we have a deeply rooted cultural issue in Australia. We also know Men, by their nature, exercise independence and strength. Powers of persuasion need to be mindful of this and to take the time to decide the best approach on “how to convince”.
Compassion, kindness and empathy over time will win. Gently point to the changes. Express concern. But do not insist.
Everyone needs to be ready to reach for help. If you are very concerned about your partner or think they may be in crisis, please encourage them to call a crisis support line such as Lifeline (131-114) or Mensline Australia (1-300-789-978).
How can I help?
The male perspective helps. I have a lived experience of Anxiety and Depression. I know how difficult it is to find help. I did the rounds including Psychiatrists, Psychologists, Counsellors and Social Workers. What I learned are three things:
- It’s about the connection
- It’s about trust
- It’s about credibility
I set these three as primary foundations for every referral or enquiry I receive from clients. I help by:
- Taking the time to understand you, your core belief system and your values. The way you think and emote influences your behaviours
- Setting a realistic, measurable goal to ensure you have something to refer to, and measure against
- Checking in regularly to ensure you feel heard and are making progress
- Providing you with a summary and suggested activities after each session
- Introducing you to a resource toolkit to grow your understanding of you
Why seek help?
It’s not just about feeling better. It’s about growing, exploring new perspectives and building a more resilient, rounded and courageous self. Taking that first step is challenging, but the rewards can be immense. As men, we have a responsibility not just to masculinity but to happiness and self-compassion. Being our best self for ourselves, our partners, our families and our friends.
