Workplace survival – a personal story
How to Survive the Corporate Psychopath … and other tips
I’ll start by stating that this Blog is driven from personal experience of a traumatic, stressful and life changing experience.
After 25 years working in the cut throat world of commodity trading and financial services (Banking and Insurance), I decided it was time to “give back”. As one does. I took a role with a Not for Profit: supporting people with disability. Reporting directly to the CEO, it was a senior role (without the handsome incentives of previous roles). I worked hard to understand the organisations operations. How they delivered services, what the staff did, how clients were supported. I asked lots of questions and took the time in my first few months to listen and observe.
What I found was committed, passionate people who came to work every day to enrich the lives of others. This was new! It felt “good”. It felt inspiring.
But…
Something was happening. Or should I say someone. It started insidiously, Hardly visible. Verbal and email. From “The Boss”. “What are you looking at that for?”. “I need you to focus on that”. “Why have you reviewed those policies, they’re completely fine and have been already signed off by me”. I responded politely, quickly. The responses were noted. Often with conditions or caveats. “If you look at that, you are passing over more important work”. “The Board need this now, how do you intend to deliver it?”. “You haven’t completed this in the way the Board prefer, why are you changing it?”
That last comment even though I had spent time positioning and explaining the change.
I deflected to explanation. Met by further questioning. Then carefully positioned comments to create doubt and uncertainty. The result….?
The Impact
Gas lighting. Loss of self confidence. Fight rather than flight. Stress. Anxiety. Sleepless nights.
Of course this all took place over many months. That is how the Narcissist operates. They are always ahead of you. Always planning. No empathy. No kindness. No encouragement. Or what seems like encouragement for a time, which is then cleverly withdrawn to aid the gas lighting. The never ending attempts to exert control, manipulate and undermine. In essence, beating the affected into submission.
The Learnings
The key learnings:
- Develop an understanding of the behaviour and underlying personality type/ or traits: This will help you depersonalise actions and better cope with them. Understanding personality types is something EVERYONE needs to do to succeed at work
- Maintain boundaries: Establish clear boundaries between your professional and personal life. Avoid sharing personal information; maintain a professional demeanour at all times
- Communicate effectively: When communicating be concise, clear, and assertive. Stick to the facts and avoid getting emotional or confrontational
- Seek professional (counselling) support: and don’t rely on the water cooler. Avoid the trap of “water cooler conversations” with colleagues: whatever you impart or share will find its way back to the problem. And it will make the problem a bigger problem
- Spend time examining the feelings and emotions you experience: share these with a professional (not with colleagues). There will be benefits in this analysis. Part of that will be to better understand YOU. Including historical developmental experiences that may be influencing the way you are reacting and coping
- Practice self-care: Develop and explore self care coping strategies with the support of a professional. Invest in physical and emotional well-being, such as exercise, meditation, hobbies, and spending time with loved ones
- Communicate the impact to a professional: including any loss of self esteem or confidence. Treating this early is critical!
- Do not think this is about you. It’s not. But don’t expect it to get better. This is much more about building personal resilience than “beating the protagonist”
- Decide if you want to continue to work in this environment. If you do, you will need professional support to explore the two requirements: how to cope, how to understand the impacts
How I can help
- I’ve lived and survived the experience. I love sharing the tips and tools that aided my survival
- You will be listened to: I need to hear and understand your experience. You will find my resulting approach directive. Most clients find this refreshing (and needed) after trying for so long
- We will explore what you have done, how you have coped, the behaviours you are being submitted to
- We will spend a lot of time exploring feelings. How you describe impact. This will guide the therapeutic approach
- I will help you understand personality types which have evolved WAY BEYOND historical concepts of Assertive/ Passive of the “four standard” of “Sanguine”; “Melancholic”; “Choleric”; and “Phlegmatic”
- I will explain the spectrum of personality types VERSUS the standard “blending” (most of us are a combination of more than one personality type). And how these can be understood and managed to avoid stress and anxiety
Stop feeling frustrated, anxious and stressed at work!
Book a free consultation with me to find out how to succeed, thrive and be happier at work, irrespective of how your Boss behaves!!
